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Domestic Violence
By
Imam Ashraf Carrim
Domestic
violence has become a phenomenon of our
times today. And unfortunately, it is
rife in Muslim communities all over the
world. We remain far from a solution to
this dilemma. We must ask the question,
why? Why, despite our modernism, our
knowledge and ever-changing technology-
that our societies persist in committing
violence and abuse in homes? WE must ask
ourselves, why, despite the laws and the
social and financial ramifications, this
vile act still persists in our
communities? Gone is the era that
believed that violence, especially
domestic, was a product of poverty? This
mindset has been disproved today-
domestic violence does not discriminate
between wealth and poverty, knowledge
and ignorance, age, language, race or
religion.
The
perpetrators of domestic violence appear
in all aspects of life, and by all kinds
of people- politicians, clergy,
professionals, laymen and the poor. The
fact that some Muslims justify their
reasons for committing acts of domestic
violence to be ordained in the Holy
Qur’an is itself a heinous crime to
Islam. Let me clarify Islam’s position
regarding this.
According
to Islam, a Muslim is an individual who,
by freely submitting to the will of God,
understands the commandments and his/her
role in life. In this sense, morality
becomes the essence of Islam.
God-consciousness cannot produce its
moral and behavioral consequences if it
is not deeply rooted in the human heart
and mind by free will and full
conviction.
Sound
spirituality with sound morality is the
goal of Islam. Allah states in this
verse of the Holy Quran:
“The
believers , men and women are protectors
one of another, they enjoin what is just
and forbid what is evil, they observe
regular prayer, practice regular
charity, and they obey Allah and his
Messenger. On them Allah will pour His
Mercy, for Allah is exalted in power,
Wise.” (Quran 9:71)
The Holy
Prophet (SAW) was asked who can be
considered to be the most perfect in
Imaan. He replied:
“The most
perfect among believers is that person
who is most perfect in his moral life”.
Islam
seeks to implant firmly in man’s heart
the conviction that his dealings are
with God, who sees him at all times and
in all places. Therefore, violence in
the home is a contradiction of the
principles of Islam. Marriage is
considered one of the highest
institutions and loved by Allah
therefore, marriage is a commitment and
a solemn promise made before Allah, and
bound by duties of honor and love by
both husband and wife. This has been
declared by Allah in the Holy Quran:
“And
among His wonders is that He created for
you mates from among yourselves that you
might find restfulness and satisfaction,
and He has engendered between you
affection, and tenderness: surely, in
that are signs for people who
think/reflect.” (Quran 30:21)
Since
love and tenderness between a married
couple is endowed by Allah, any conduct
or action that is rooted in violence is
neither tolerated nor permitted in
Islam. This is evident from the above
verse. However, people who perform these
actions of beating their spouses use a
single word from a long verse which is
from Surah Nisa to justify their
violence. Now let me explain to you this
verse and clarify any misconceptions:
Allah
ordains in this verse of the Holy Quran:
“Men have
to support, sustain and take full care
of women, according to what Allah has
given of advantages and consequently one
over the other, and what they have to
spend out of their possessions.
Righteous women are the truly devout
ones, who guard there unseen private
behavior as Allah has required. And as
for those women whose defiance and
offensiveness you have reason to fear,
admonish them, and refrain from any
contact with them, and hit them (lightly)[if
this becomes unavoidable and fair to
prevent very serious harm caused by them
against themselves or others]: But if
they want to keep you company, do not
try in any way to be unfair or harmful
to them, Allah is All High All Great.
And if you fear a breach between a
married couple, bring forth an arbiter
from his people and an arbiter from her
people if they want to set things right,
Allah may bring about their
reconciliation: Surely Allah is All
Knowing All Aware.” (Quran 4:35)
The first
of the above verse make it clear that a
men’s relation to his wife and his
family is one of responsibility, not
superiority. As the man is physically
released from the burden of childbirth
and child rearing, he has to be the
person responsible for supporting,
sustaining and taking full care of the
wife and the family. This is the men’s
legal responsibility and as long as man
is fulfilling his legal and moral
responsibilities towards his wife and
his family, he deserves love and
respect, not superiority and
authoritativeness. This verse also
indicates three ways of dealing with
spouses who are disobedient. The Holy
Quran mentions the following way:
-
Firstly, advice them – in this way Islam
is directing us to speak to each other
and keep open the channels of
communication. If this fails then
proceed to the next step.
-
Secondly, to refrain from any contact
with them in bed – if the situation
worsens and the wife persists in her
disobedience and disregard, then only
does the Quran allow an action that is
physical.
- Hit
them – this word wadribuhunnah comes
from the root word daraba which means –
to hit. Mufassireen (commentators of the
Quran) have defined this word as a mild,
physical measure to show one’s contempt
and disapproval of the disobedience.
These
are the three measures that are to be
determined according to the degree of
the act, not for mere repetition or
continuation of the same kind of it. No
beating or physical reaction can be
justified merely for a repetition of
what deserves only advising or avoiding
contact in bed. The only situation when
a physical intervention by the husband
can be justified is when the wife’s
disobedience takes the physical form of
causing harm to herself, the husband or
the children. (Causing fire, using a
weapon, etc). In such a suddenly
emergent cause, no advice or avoidance
in bed can work and a physical
intervention has to be practiced to stop
the action. The Holy Prophet (SAW) in
his farewell pilgrimage indicated that
only a “Flagrant shameful conduct” of a
wife may allow a physical reaction from
the husband, and the commentators of
that tradition and the jurists
restricted this form of punishment to a
very light and symbolic action such as
beating with a siwaak, (a small
instrument like a toothpick used for
cleaning the teeth).
Since the
Quran and the Prophet during all his
life repeatedly emphasized man’s
obligation to treat women justly and
kindly, and warned against any moral or
physical offence against them, it is
incompatible that a man can beat or
commit acts of violence against his
wife.
There is
NO record or evidence that the Beloved
Prophet (SAW) ever beat or abused any of
his wives. If we are followers of
Muhammadur Rasoolullah (SAW) how can we
claim that we are following the Sunnah
when we commit such acts of violence
against our sisters? Is this Islam? No!
No! My brothers and sisters in Islam,
Islam is Peace not abuse. I appeal to
those who do not have the knowledge, do
not interpret the Holy Quran for your
own convenience or to justify your wrong
doing.
I hope
that this has cleared any
misunderstanding or misconceptions
regarding verses of the Quran that
supports beating and abusing women.
Islam’ viewpoint is absolutely clear
that under no circumstance does Islam
condone violence against any individual
especially the wife.
May Allah
guide each one of us to correct moral
behavior so that we can live according
to the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet
Muhammadur Rasoolullah (SAW). Aameen
Imam
Ashraf Carrim
International Institute of Tolerance |
